*Names changed to protect the innocent and the idiot
I know two sisters, *Lilly and *Sharon
Lilly has two daughters, her sister Sharon loves her nieces. Sharon is quite an involved aunt. Movies, sleepovers, listening, laughing, scolding when necessary, an all around awesome involved relative.
Lilly and Sharon have a fight (as sisters are wont to do) Lilly decides that the best way to get the upper hand in the argument with Sharon is to use the most hurtful weapon available to her.
Lilly forbids her daughters from seeing Aunt Sharon. No texts, no phone calls, no visits. Sharon makes every effort to keep in contact with her nieces. She sends gifts, she passes message to her mother to pass to the girls. This goes on for months until Lilly and Sharon come to an uneasy truce and make up.
then it’s ‘Look who’s back! Aunt Sharon’
Make no mistake parents, this is mental abuse. If you get into an argument with someone who is paramount to your child’s life (i.e. ex-husband,grandparents, aunts, godparents etc..) and your issue with that person has nothing to do with their treatment of the child (abuse, dangerous living conditions…etc) and you decide that the only way you can win your argument is to keep your child from a relative that loves them…you are hurting your child. Period.
Unfortunately, I’ve actually witnessed this abuse in startling numbers. It’s mainly women who decide that someone has wronged them in some fashion (which may be true) and they are going to exact the ultimate revenge on their wrongdoer.
What these drama queens (and kings) don’t realize is that their child suffers for it. Kids need more than just parental love and guidance. They need aunts, uncles and grandparents.
Some of the most endearing and influential people in my life were my grandparents. I loved them with a passion. Unfortunately my parents fought with their own parents; but never once was I denied a visit with them because my mom was pissed at my grandmom for something said in a tone ‘not quite to her liking’. I’m not even sure how anyone with a heart (and a grandmother) could turn to their child and have that awful conversation.
Child: I want to go see my grandmom
Mother: you can’t see her
Mother: because I’m angry at her
Mother: because she didn’t like a photo I posted on facebook
Sounds idiotic doesn’t it?
But it’s not really that far from the truth. Some people want to win an argument so bad that they need to slice someone’s jugular in order to feel vindicated.
I am not saying that if the person/relative you are arguing with doesn’t deserve a punch in the neck, but if they love your kid and don’t bring their drama to the relationship with your child, why make the child suffer?
My mother and her parents have always argued. But every week without fail, she dropped me off at their house for a sleepover. My grandparents didn’t talk bad about my mom and my mom never talked bad about them within my hearing. They kept their grownup problems between them. Because of their mature attitude, I got to have a wonderful relationship with my grandparents.
My daughter only has two active grandparents in her life. And although they sometimes try my patience beyond enduring, my daughter loves them and they love her. And i would never hate anyone more than i love my daughter. Her happiness is my happiness. And if i have to grind my teeth and smile…well that’s what dental insurance is for.